Monday, January 19, 2009

Compassionate

I am a volunteer for "The Family & Friend Network." This means that I have the opportunity to visit children that have a disability. I can read to them, help around the house ... basically just be a friend.

I met my "friend" today.

Now, here is my confession.

This scares the crap out of me.

The young girl has cerebral palsy and is not vocal. She is in a wheel chair and plays with toys that are stimulating. She has had a history of seizures. All of these things I am scared of.

I worry that I might be there and she will have a seizure.

I don't know what I am going to be able to occupy her time with. She can not really tell me the things that she wants. I like reading aloud ... but I'm not sure what would be the things that she would like to hear.

I don't know. I don't want to come off as selfish ... I don't want anyone to think that I am not compassionate enough ... because I am. I think that I might be too compassionate. Looking at her makes my stomach ache with compassion.

What is she thinking about ...
Does she know what is really going on ...
Is she happy ...
Is she miserable ...

I guess that I have a lot to think about before I decide whether or not this match is for me. Aaron says that the more I spend with her the more comfortable I will be.
I think so.

But I worry that I won't ... and then what would she feel like knowing that I didn't want her to be my friend?

2 comments:

All about the forensics said...

I've never read it either but I've heard the quote the best laid plans of mice and men most often go astray. I heard it on Oz lol Btw this is Trish. I guess I should have started with that. =0)

Clare said...

You'll learn what she likes and doesn't like. Even if she can't say words, she will communicate with you. And I know that she will be happy to hear anything you have to say. Don't give up on her yet! This is a tough job. I'm not really sure I would be able to do it. I would cry for her every day. You're very brave!