Saturday, August 29, 2009

I hate you ... you stupid typers ... you

There is this new phenomenon that is LOL Cats. Or, maybe it's not actually new? Yeah, it's probably not that new ... I think it's been around for a while. Anyway, I digress.

I flipping LOVE LOL Cats. LOVE it. Aaron and I can sit at the house all day long laughing our asses off at the new "cat of the day." Seriously. Cats are the superior animal ... and I can say this ... I have both cats and dogs!

Well, now they have this one website "I can has cheezburger" that has placed all of the LOL cats, Dogs, Celebrities (which is a new one and one that I must check out after writing this post) all in one website. Awesome.

Except ... for the comment section.

It's cute when the cat says something in "cat voice" as I refer to it ... something along the lines of: "Iz not addicted to caffeine, Iz just need it to function" and a picture of a cat drinking out of a mug. Get it?

But then you look at the comments ... and EVERY ONE is speaking in "LOL talk." Seriously? I think that we have enough problems in our school systems today dealing with students trying to write paper in "text" form ... and now you are going to make a whole NEW language? Oh NO! NO NO NO!

I hate this new type so much, it makes me want to stop looking at LOL Cats on principal. But, as Aaron says ... "That's the Internet." -Shrug-

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Random Thoughts from People Our Age

I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can
think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell
my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves

Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you
realize you're wrong.

I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don 't need to drink
to have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and
sticks when they've invented the lighter?

Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're
going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to
be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the
direction from which you came, you have to first do something like
check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to
yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're
crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.

That's enough, Nickelback.

I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was

Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the "people you may know"
feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose
not to be friends with?

Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't
work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically
fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all
know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards
or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.

There is a great need for sarcasm font.

Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and
suddenly realize I had no idea what the f was going on when I first
saw it.

I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually
becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting
90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's
laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little
bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the
only one who really, really gets it.

How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than
take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear
your computer history if you die.

The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to
finish a text.

A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the
spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.

Was learning cursive really necessary?

Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else
to say".

I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and

Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron
test is absolutely petrifying.

My brother's Municipal League baseball team is named the Stepdads.
Seeing as none of the guys on the team are actual stepdads, I inquired
about the name. He explained, "Cuz we beat you, and you hate us."
Classy, bro.

Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart",
all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".

How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod
and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?

I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up
to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!

Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in'
examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete
idiot. Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and
said "Yes that's G as in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies"

What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each

While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and
instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.

MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I
know how to get out of my neighborhood.

Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the
person died.

I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the
shower first and THEN turn on the water.

Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty,
and you can wear them forever.

I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

Bad decisions make good stories

Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their
profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got
the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if
I do!

Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every

If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring
would probably just be completely invisible.

Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go
around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly
nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be
a problem....

You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work
when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything
productive for the rest of the day.

Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't
want to have to restart my collection.

There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are
going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me
if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I
swear I did not make any changes to.

"Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this

I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people
watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will
they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't
watching this.
It's only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room.
Will we still be friends after this?'

I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello?
Dammit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and
goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone
and run away?

I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not
seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she
hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light
internet stalking.

I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle,
then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.

Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising
speed for pedophiles...

As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers,
but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still
not know what time it is.

It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.

I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to
answer when they call.

Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do
to with it.

Even under ide al conditions people have trouble locating their car
keys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the
Donkey but I'd bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from
3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every

My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would
happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?

It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on;
and the link takes me to a video instead of text.

I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they
drive behind obeys the speed limit.

I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or
Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.

The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw
they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words,
someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think
about it, and then estimated that there must be at least four people
eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by
There's nothing like being made to feel like fat before dinner.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Score One for Constipation

Blah blah blah.

So, I didn't have morning sickness. Or, not really anyway. I threw up once ... but my toothbrush was in my mouth and I've been prone to gag during a good teeth brushing anyway.
I still have pretty good skin.
My gums haven't bled at all.
I haven't started having leg cramps.
But, let me tell you ... I've had it bad with the constipation the past couple of days.

Jeez! I don't know if the baby (fondly named Liam by the way) is somehow laying on my colon, or if he's already made himself at home fondling with my intestines, or what. But, I feel very ... full ... at the moment.

So far, this is the end of day three with barely a "pooplet" (not my word) in sight. I've been eating "roughage," I've been drinking lots of water, and I even went and picked up some benefiber and fiber bars today. Now, I'm just plagued with gas. Lovely.

So yeah, I might have gotten out of my first trimester unharmed ... but this second one is starting to get kind of clogged up here.

Any remedies?

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Interview Me

So, I've posted in the past that my life mirrors Jen Lancaster (author of Bitter is the New Black & Such a Pretty Fat ... read them ... NOW), but when I envisioned my job hunt ... it didn't exactly include being interviewed by an eighteen year old manager of a tanning salon after 5 1/2 years of getting a degree.

I wasn't able to find a job with a school this year. I've been told a number of things ... the main one being that it's "just so hard to find a job in education right now ... people aren't leaving etc." However, I felt that I did everything right when it came to my education classes.
  • 4.0 in Educational classes
  • 3.1 in English classes
  • Rave reviews from university supervisors and mentor teachers
  • Networking with the principals and department heads
  • On time every day for classes ... staying late to grade work and help students
And so on and so forth. And yet, even the schools that I student taught at didn't hire me.

I'm sick of sitting at the house all day with nothing to do. At first, it seems like a fun gig, sleeping late and what have you. But, with four animals it starts wearing on a person's nerves. I've got Link that needs to be in my lap at all times. Nakomis that whimpers every three seconds because no one is paying attention to her. Petal that uses her claws as leverage when trying to climb my leg. And Emily, who will get pissed off at me for some reason and go and lay a stinker in the litter box as if she KNOWS that I can't clean it up and instead have to sit and smell it for hours until Aaron gets home/up to clean up the problem.

Yesterday, at the used book store, I mentioned my unemployment status and the guy there asked me to bring in a resume. I get all excited ... run home and get one together ... bring it in ... and just get an "OK, Thanks." ARGH!!!!

Which brings us to tomorrow at 2 pm. I have an interview tomorrow with the tanning conglomerate "EZ Tan." The girl that will be interviewing me is eighteen years old. I can't re-iterate enough that when I started college ... I never would have envisioned graduating and then getting a low paying job that high schoolers are also qualified for.

So, I guess ... wish me luck. I doubt that I'll get the job ... it's like the other jobs that I interviewed for in the recent past ... I'm probably over qualified, over-aged, and over pregnant. I can't tan and can't lift things over 25 lbs ... but maybe I can wow them with my college degree and determination??


Monday, August 3, 2009

Blast you maternity shirts!

First of all, don't think that I am not utterly thankful for the fact that Maternity clothes are way super cute and actually quite fashionable. Also, do not think that I'm not utterly thankful for the fact that my sister-in-law gave me 100s of dollars worth of maternity clothes ... meaning that I only will need to probably by pants for myself! (Lucky lucky me!)

However, seriously maternity shirts? Do you think that pregnant women enjoy the fact that their boobs are over-sized and over-stuffed? Do you think that we enjoy the fact that our regular shirts don't fit anymore ... not because of their ever-growing belly ... but because of their ever growing boobs? And what do you go and do? You go and make nearly all cute pregnancy shirts those V or Cross tops that show the goodies like nobodies business.

Seriously. Really? I'm sure that my husband doesn't want to see the mother of his children walking around town with her breastacles and bra showing.

I mean, who knows ... maybe some women are thinking in their heads ... "YES!!! I have boobs! I want to show them off!!

But Me and MY boobs ... like to be well hidden, thank you VERY much.

So, please maternity shirts ... can you make shirts for women that don't want to show their baby food bags? Please? PLEASE!?? Because, there's a lot of hormones going through this body and I would really hate to have to start crying for no reason again.

Thank you,
A 14 week pregnant woman that is finding it harder and harder to cover up this belly bump!