I love you ...

Is this little guy not the cutest?? Now he's a little over a year old and he thinks that he is a big boy.

He hates annoying singers on American Idol. When he hears them squealing off key, he stops squeaking his toy and stares at the screen with a "seriously?" look on his face.

He loves getting new dental bones. In fact, the other night ... Nakomis (our bird eating, scared to poop chihuahua) had just wrestled his bone away from him and was eating it smugly in front of him. So, he planned it out and slowly starting sneaking up on her. When she looked up he averted his eyes as if to say "Nope, I'm not going after that bone!" I thought it was hilarious! He also talks with Emily the cat and gets her to walk into the room to make Nakomis nervous and lunge at her. This frees up the bone and he swoops in for the win.

He loves the laptop and tries to lay his little head on the "warm spots."

He makes little noises when he yawns. It's absolutely adorable.

When I go to get ice out of the freezer, he runs into the kitchen and waits patiently for me to hand him a small piece of ice.

Before he turned one and was no longer a "puppy," we had said that we might allow him to sleep outside of his cage/bed. But, when it actually came down to his birthday ... we forgot. He barked in his cage for a week after wards, as if he knew that we were supposed to let him sleep outside of his cage after he turned one and we didn't hold up our end.

Right now, he is curled up in my Aaron's lap dreaming about stealing dental bones from his nemesis Nakomis with the help of his side kick - Emily the cat.

It's Called an Honor Society for a REASON

I'm in my student teaching semester, right? Which I guess doesn't quite qualify me to be "Little Miss English Teacher" until May ... but my old blog name blatantly spelled out my name and I didn't want any snot-nosed kids trying to find my blog and "ruin me." Or something or another.

Anyway, my mentor teacher is the NHS sponsor for the school. A couple of weeks ago, two girls that are senior members of NHS were caught cheating. In fact, they were caught cheating by the president of NHS. *STUPID!*

So, they were sent down to the AP's office, they immediately burst into tears and confessed.

The Honor Society has to have a formal meeting to kick out students and they really had all that they needed ... the students confessed to cheating ... it was a done deal! Or not.

Apparently, one of the parents claims that they were not given sufficient time to attend the formal meeting to dismiss an honor student from the program. They also claim that the student was interrogated for an hour and a half and that her words were misconstrued and that she didn't confess to anything. The parent also claims that when the student went to attend the meeting, the sponsor told her that it wasn't going to matter either way and she just mine as well not waste her time because they were going to kick her out either way.

Great job, "honor student." How about we add LIAR to your ever growing resume of unethical qualities.

So, I can't wait to find out how things go. It's not really going to matter one way or another. They have the proof. They have a confession. Cut and dry!

I tell you what though ... the parents at the school that I teach at are crazy about NHS. There is another parent that continually emails the sponsor and counselor for NHS because her daughter has a 3.95 GPA but requires a 4.0 to be in NHS. The parent can't understand why her daughter can't be admitted. "Well, Lady ... if the bylaws say 4.0 ... it's a 4.0 not a 3.95." If the other 150 students that just got inducted can maintain a 4.0 ... she'll have to do the same ...

It's called an Honor Society for a REASON, people!

3D: The wave of the future?

We just renewed our new lease on our quaint little one bedroom with a study. You know the one ... where we live over the frat boys? (In fact, we encountered one of them today and I think that they named their dog "Lil' SH**. I say this because that was all he could call it when our dogs and his dog wanted to play.)

Anyway, we aren't ready to buy a house just yet so we are going to sign a lease for 7 months. Well, we told them that we wanted our carpets cleaned since we were going to renew. They agreed ... which means that we had to be out of the house today between 10-12. We didn't leave the house until about 10:45 ... but that's no big thing because apparently they didn't come until around 12 anyway.

We decided to skip yoga this morning and instead catch My Bloody Valentine in 3d. We wanted to go early to this showing because if we would have gone tonight then we would have had to pay an extra 1.75 which I think is ridiculous.

So we get there ... and have popcorn for breakfast ... and make it in the theatre just in time to see the sign that says "Put your 3d glasses on now, please." We comply.

Now, I am not sure how I feel about 3d being the wave of the future. Aaron has read articles that state that there could start being 3d televisions! I worry about this because I like to watch television in my glasses and my PJs and don't want to have to worry about putting on my contacts just so that I can wear the 3d glasses (like I had to do this morning ... ouch my eyes!)

Or, if they decide that they are going to have more 3d movies out (which they seem to be going towards ...) I think that they should not have as many horror movies be in 3d. Because when something is flying at my face at break neck speeds ... I tend to close one eye in fright (yeah, big baby ... that's me) and then it completely ruins the shot.

Oops. I forgot that both eyes needed to be open to see the effects. My bad. Next time an axe is headed towards my head, I'll try to remember that.

So, in other words ... My Bloody Valentine was actually a good movie. I liked the 3d. It wasn't cheesy 3d ... you know where they throw popcorn or other stupid stuff at the screen to try and get a rise out of the audience ... No, it was really good 3d. I just have to remember not to wince because I'm scared that the bullet, or axe, or other form of weapon that is flying at my head is not really a real object. Duh.

But ... I couldn't see a romance in 3d ... what would they make come out of the screen at you? Her huge diamond rock?

Very Funny Friday

Alright, so this is my first time to do one of these things that they call a ... Carnival? I guess that makes me a Carnie. Nice ... something that I've always aspired to ...

Anyway ... it's crazy early in the morning. I'm sitting here in jeans and the tank top that I went to bed in. My hair wasn't blow dried last night which makes it all over my freaking head so I'm waiting for the straightener to load up.

I have clothes on the floor ... my teeth aren't brushed yet ... (WHAT?! I just finished eating some cereal!) ... and I really need to get my butt in gear if I'm going to leave my house at a reasonable time. (6:30)

And yet ... I love my blog SO MUCH ... that I'm going to try this whole thing and see if I can get some readers to love it too!

Unfortunately ... as it's so early in the morning ... I don't have anything "very funny" to post. That's new ...

So, I'm going to post my favorite post that I've ever had ... I'm sure that you haven't read it yet ... so you should enjoy it.

This was written back in 2005 ...

Friday, April 08, 2005

Are you a cheater? Fess up now. RIGHT NOW! Have you ever cheated? Don't start giving me...well I was drunk....and...stuff...just... No I mean have you ever cheated in school!? A thought occurred to me as I was walking to a class all alone yesterday (I have to occasionally talk to myself just so I'm not lonely :) ) I've been in College for two years now and I have never ONCE cheated. Not once. Not even on homework (which could probably be because I don't know anyone in my classes well enough to be like.."You...right there...smart one...give up the homework!") Have any of YOU cheated in college? Lemme just tell you that I was an AVID cheater in Highschool...dude I cheated on EVERYTHING! Especially after my freshman year when a friend of mine and I were falsely accused of cheating on some homework. So I figure...eff it....if I'm gonna get blamed for it I mine as well start doing it yah think? I had the cheating DOWN! Ways to Cheat 101: 1) Have someone in the class ahead of you write down the answers to the scantron on a small slip of paper and slip it to you between classes. 2) Roll up a sheet of paper with the answers on it and stick it inside your pen. Then sit in the back of the room and undo your pen after the "cheater check" was complete. 3) Wear long sleeves and write the answers on your arms and your palm and then sit in the back of the class and enjoy making an A. 4) **Added by This beautiful lady** Make a bracelet with the answers on it and during the "Cheater Check" just turn the bracelet inside out! (BRILLIANCE I tell you) 5) And my personal favorite..(which I shall demonstrate..) SUPPLIES NEEDED: One skirt (Make sure it's regulation length because if you get busted by the dress code police, it is NOT my fault dude.) One clean thigh (Must be clean btw) Hm Depending on how big the test is you might need TWO thighs. One felt tip marker. Don't get one that's gonna smear or smudge. Because if your gonna go through with this there might be alittle sweating/glistening/glittering/perspiring (whatever it is you wanna call it) involved. Now, if you havn't already guessed what your going to do lemme break it down for you. You make yourself alittle cheat sheet on your thigh(s) and then wear a skirt to school that day. The desk totally covers your legs right...so You can just lift up your skirt and get the answers that you don't already have memorized! BTW: It is NOT my fault if you get busted doing this...obviously your just not slick enough and will have to continue practicing young grasshopper! BOYS/GUYS/MEN: Unfortunantly I don't think this form of cheating will work with you but I did give you three other options to try out! So for those of you in Highschool...there yah go. And for those of you in College or out of College .... Did you cheat in college? PSH Because *I* damn sure won't! To afraid something horrible will happen!! Don't "Cheat" yourself out of a great FRIDAY!! Have fun this weekend!! <3<3<3 See ... wasn't that hilarious? I think so. Especially since I'm an English Teacher now ... giving instructions (with pictures) on how to cheat in my classroom. Nice. Check out more "Very Funny Friday's" HERE

Blast from the past

I thought that this was a good idea ... after seeing it on Christin's site ...

So, I went back to look at all of my old XANGA stuff and picked out some GOLDEN posts :)

Wednesday, March 30th, 2005

.

See that? That little SPECK? That red mark of DEATH! Well I hate that And in tribute of hating periods, I'm not going to be using ANY for this post I will still skip the appropriate spaces and capitalize as if the gross speck of pain was still there however I will NOT use the Period to end ANY of my sentences today

Why you may ask? Why the period? What HAS it done to you?

IT is the reason for my nausea yesterday

IT is the reason for my cramping today

IT is the reason that I feel YUCKY and just want to lay around and mope because my uterus could very well be thrown up at any point in time that it feels apt to do so

So I'm going on a period STRIKE And you all should!

Follow the masses!! Stop the PERIODS

GIVE ME A HYSTERECTOMY

Thank you for your time That is all

<3

Tuesday, April 12, 2005 Channel 1: S.T.D News A brilliant idea coming forth from my glorious boyfriend as he watched tv yesterday. He says to me yesterday "Baby, You know how they have that public access channel?" I nod my head, remembering many a night that I watched that because nothing else was on... "Well I think that they should make Channel One or something like that...an STD Channel." O.O "A WHAT Channel Aaron?" "An STD Channel my darling" (Okay this isn't exactly how the conversation went...but it's how it goes in my head...I mentally add all the pet names in) "An STD Channel hm? How would that work exactly" "Well let me tell you, peanut" And this is how it would go: They would have a banner at the top that said "THIS PERSON GAVE SOMEONE STD'S" And then they would have a picture of the person and a location of the person that has STD'S. This way not only will you be able to STEER CLEAR but you can even keep away from that certain AREA...because who knows who it had been passed on to since the original person got it. "Wow...." A co-worker of Aaron's chimes in "Man, who would watch that?" Aaron, Me, and two other people that happened to be in the store at the time speak up with "I WOULD!" I mean wouldn't that be effing interesting?! Getting to see public humiliation in the finest? I'd probably be sitting back with a year book on a regular basis just marking off people with STD'S! Heck they put Sexual Offenders in the paper! And STD Givers are DEFINANTLY SEXUAL OFFENDERS!!! Your thoughts on the matter? Wednesday, April 27, 2005 Nakomis = Murderer Put on your shocked faces people....This cute little dog is Wanted...for MURDER! (See how her eyes are glowing...that's because she has the DEVIL in her) Recently...I found her in the dining room area, toying with an extremely pissed off lizard that she had caught. It managed to stay alive long enough for me to reprimand her and pick it up and put it back outside into it's habitat. But she's become smarter. She waited until I left to go over to Aaron's last night and when my grandpa let her out before they went to bed apparently she drug in two baby birds. And KILLED them. That's right she killed two baby birds last night, put them in the dining room on display (just like a serial killer so that she could show them off to others) and then crawled in bed with my grandpa as if she were the same sweet little girl that he knew her to be. This morning when we woke up, there the birds were, one bird in the walkway to the dining room and the other one in a proper burial ground by the plant. She was dancing around them as if she was a witch doctor or some other foul being of the night. I'm worried...who knows what she'll bring in next? It's a scary thought that you can't even trust your dog around other animals that are smaller than she is. Soon she'll be bringing in squirrels or something *gasp* What will we do then!? Thursday, June 02, 2005 6 AM Bargains and a Mickey Mouse Jumper Imagine. Your in bed, dreaming peacefully and the blast of an alarm clock grabs you from your slumber. It's 6 am. And you have a job to do. You pull yourself out of bed and fumble for your glasses as you stare begrudgingly at the clock. A shuffle across the thin apartment carpet lands you into the hall bathroom, you wash your face and take care of the morning pee. A knock at the door forces you to realize there is yet another sleepy young lady needing to take care of necessities as well. You let her in and you stumble to the living room, still trying to wipe the sleep from your caked eyes. You can hear the bathroom door open, ya'll pass each other in the hall way as you head back to the bathroom to finish with the preparation of morning. This morning you plan on looking like shit. Hell it's only garage sale people right? Ummhmm..a garage sale. After watching a few videos on MTV and sliding on your flipflops both girls are ready to go. It is now 6:28. Pulling into the driveway of the garage sale you notice a crowd of people. "What the fuck" quickly slips from your lips before you have the time to think about it. Both girls leave the safety of the vehicle ready to face the crowd of bargainers. And so your Wednesday morning begins. This 50 dollars better be worth it. The neighbor finally manages to unlock the door and the garage door gets opened quickly. Thank God, otherwise the impatient garage sale vultures were getting fidgety. It goes off without a hitch. The people come, and go and buy and bargain. ((Which is really annoying btw)) Both girls and the neighbor move things out into the driveway, and move the pool table from the backyard. As such occurrences take place...the neighbor comes out of his haunted abode. "Someone's going to have to move this car." "This FUCKING pisses me OFF" "Someone's parked in my *Expletive* yard." The two girls are shocked. It had been a while since they had heard an old man talk such way. What a morning this was shaping up to be. There were men who wanted boxes full of stuff for 20 dollars. Don't think so. There were women that wanted Manolo heels for 1.50. They got them for 3. And most of all...there was a woman that wanted a singer sewing machine that had never been used for 5 dollars. It was sold to someone else for 8. What? The other lady was nicer! Lunch was exquisite and the rains called people off after 1:30. Which is when the Mickey Mouse jumper was found...and questions about an ex boss quickly arose. Where did she get such a mickey mouse jumper? And how often was it worn? After 3 pm, the bank was counted and a whopping 690 dollars made. Eff yes, The 50 dollars was worth it. And there will be more bargains to be had Saturday morning from 7 - 12. Be there or be square. I'll post more later ... enjoy these for now :)

I LURVE Etsy!

I just found out about the amazing website that is Etsy and went a LITTLE crazy with my buying.

Not only did I buy a few things NOT Harry Potter ... but I bought a lot of stuff that relates TO Harry Potter!!!

Such as:

My Harry Potter Charm Bracelet ...



My Golden (but Silver) Snitch Necklace ...



and FINALLY ... My Harry Potter PURSE!!




And the wallet ...



Thanks ETSY! I love you!

Get out there and EAT!

Alright girls. Here is something that you should know ... men like you a little "rounder," a little "healthier," a little "more to love."

Believe me. I've done a survey. I've asked around. Guys like to envision their women as a woman that is going to be strong enough to bear their children. They want them to have wider hips ... a healthy weight.

I'm not saying that they all want women that are over-weight because that isn't it at all. But they do want women that are healthy and confident in their body image.

So why do you girls think that it is OK to starve yourself? Why do you think that it is OK to not give yourself the nutrients that you need? How is this helping things?

I'm sick of not eating what I want to eat. I'm sick of skipping a meal because I think that in the long run it's going to do me some good. It's not going to do me any good. I have a bad body image, really. I look at myself in the mirror and see all of the flaws, I do.

I know that I need to lose weight ... so I go to the gym nearly every single day for about a hour. I know that I need to lose weight ... so I chose not to eat that ice cream cone.

I know all of these things. But I also know that I am not going to get down to my "goal weight" by starving myself. I'm not going to get down to my "goal weight" by not giving my body the food that it needs to survive.

So what is it girls? Do you want to be healthy ... or do you want to be skinny? Do you want to be able to have children? Or do you want to be bone thin? Do you want to eat healthy food? Or do you want to skip meals so that your bones can show through?

I hope that you chose being healthy, being able to have children, and eating healthy food. I don't think that God put you on this planet to torture yourself.

Get out there ... and eat!

(And then work out!)

Compassionate

I am a volunteer for "The Family & Friend Network." This means that I have the opportunity to visit children that have a disability. I can read to them, help around the house ... basically just be a friend.

I met my "friend" today.

Now, here is my confession.

This scares the crap out of me.

The young girl has cerebral palsy and is not vocal. She is in a wheel chair and plays with toys that are stimulating. She has had a history of seizures. All of these things I am scared of.

I worry that I might be there and she will have a seizure.

I don't know what I am going to be able to occupy her time with. She can not really tell me the things that she wants. I like reading aloud ... but I'm not sure what would be the things that she would like to hear.

I don't know. I don't want to come off as selfish ... I don't want anyone to think that I am not compassionate enough ... because I am. I think that I might be too compassionate. Looking at her makes my stomach ache with compassion.

What is she thinking about ...
Does she know what is really going on ...
Is she happy ...
Is she miserable ...

I guess that I have a lot to think about before I decide whether or not this match is for me. Aaron says that the more I spend with her the more comfortable I will be.
I think so.

But I worry that I won't ... and then what would she feel like knowing that I didn't want her to be my friend?

Free SWAG!

Check out: HERE for some awesomely awesome free-ness!!!

I'm getting ready to go and meet my little lady with Cerebral Palsy today. I'm looking forward to it!! I'll post about it all tonight!

I am ...

I am ... a daughter ... born R_____ Darlene P_______, to a single 17 year old mother on a warm night at the beginning of October. I was the most beautiful baby that my grandfather had ever seen, all perfect and pink, crying and peeing as the air of the new world enveloped me. My mother never got on her feet ... I moved in with my grandparents at the age of four ... I've never known my father.

I am ... a sister ... even if it's only half. I have a 19 year old brother who is the (hopefully) loving father of a beautiful baby boy. They live in his wife's mother's house ... hours away from me, and I miss my lovely little nephew.

I am ... a wife ... to an amazing man that I can not wait to share the rest of my life with. He makes my days brighter and I fall more and more in love with him every day.



I am ... a Christian ... and I love the Lord.

I am ... an in-law ... to an amazing family. My husband's family is the best family I could have ever asked for. His mother is perfect. There is absolutely nothing bad about her. She is the perfect woman. I aspire to be like her and to raise my children as well as she raised hers.

I am ... a niece ... to an aunt that died suddenly and another whom I am still trying to get along with.

I am ... a granddaughter ... to an amazing man and late woman. My grandfather has hung the moon. He is what I looked for in a man ... and found in Aaron. My grandfather has a place next to God. He is a saint. I love him dearly.



I am ... a cousin ... though we don't see each other very much at all. Our family isn't like Aaron's ... and that makes me sad sometimes.

I am ... an aunt ... to two BEAUTIFUL little boys born four days apart from each other.

I am ... a friend ... that will never let you down. I strive to be a best friend and one that you can trust. I will always be there for them ... even if I have to sleep on their floor for a week when they need me the most.

I am ... ALMOST a college graduate ... which I will utilize by teaching the youth of America. I want to make a difference.

I am ... a dreamer ... although I do not know if I have the drive or the confidence to make those dreams a reality.

I am ... a survivor ... tragedy has made me into the woman that I am ... or so I like to think.

I am ... an optimist ... I always see that the glass is half full. I love knowing that there will always be more drink in my cup of life.

My first day of student teaching ... hilarity ensues ...

Disclaimer: The following post will involve spoilers of the literary classic Of Mice and Men. If you have not read it or seen the movie ... skip over the *******'d parts.

I started student teaching on Monday. I'll graduate in May and I'll officially be a real live English teacher!

However, I've never read John Steinbeck's classic Of Mice and Men (As of Monday.)

Aaron has been after me to read it for a while now and refused to tell me the ending.

So, I get into class and I'm good for the first two periods because it's Pre-AP and they aren't doing the same curriculum as the regular classes. But here comes third period.

Not only are they watching Of Mice and Men but it's at the END of the movie.

I'm not really paying much attention because I'm talking with my teacher and I'm trying to learn the ropes and what have you and I just happened to look over just as *********George kills Lennie******** the end of the movie happens. I audibly gasp and BURST INTO TEARS.

That's right. I start crying in the middle of a class of tenth graders that I had just barely met. So they are start saying "Um, Ms. H .... your new teacher is crying ...." "What's the matter new teacher ... don't cry ..."

Alright. So here comes fourth period. It's like a train wreck! I have to watch it more to find out exactly what happened. Which makes it even WORSE.

************I started crying just as I realize that the reason that George is going to have to kill Lennie is so that the other people don't end up lynching him for accidentally killing Curley's Wife. (Just thinking about how scared Lennie would be if those boys would have caught him makes me literally sick to my stomach)*****************

So, now I'm REALLY crying! Once again the kids freak out ... my teacher is like "Oh no, I'm so sorry! I can't believe that I didn't warn you the first time we watched it!"

So, yeah ... I boo-hoo cried in front of my students on my first day of student teaching. Nice.

By the way ... this story is probably much funnier when I tell it in person. Aaron maintains that it's the best story that I've told in a while!!

Letters continued ...

Momma,

I write this letter during a time that I feel better about your death. Just a few weeks ago, I don’t think that I could have gotten through this letter without breaking down into tears. It’s weird. After two years … you think that living without my mom would get easier. It doesn’t.

I mean, what did you ever do for me anyway? All of the things that you said that you would do … usually never happened. Do you know how many times I waited and MawMaw’s and PawPaw’s for you to come by and pick me up, but something else more important came up and you never showed?

For most of my life, I wasn’t the daughter … I was the mother. I had to be the strong one while you fell into your pills and “depression.” That year and a half that I lived with you nearly was my downfall. Dreading the ride home because I never knew if you were going to be still in bed … or if you were going to be bright eyed on the couch waiting to get home and be the mother that you were always supposed to be.

And yet, this is still difficult. Every day, waking up and knowing that you aren’t just a phone call away. When I used to get into an argument with someone, you would always be the one that I could call and you would just agree with everything that I said … whether I was in the wrong or not. I still need that sometimes to this day … and you aren’t there for me.

My brother, your son, just had a beautiful baby boy and he’ll never know his grandma. All because you were so selfish! Why mom? Why? I thought that you were finally getting your life together. We all that you were in a good place in your life, finally … after 38 years of struggling. And then we get that surprise phone call and nothing has been the same since.

Do you know what you are missing out on? Do you know how much I miss you? Do you know how much I want to crawl into your lap like a little girl and smell your smell? I miss being close to you. I miss watching television together. I miss all of our talks. I miss all of our arguments. I miss you so much, it makes my bones hurt. I have this deep ache for you, and I can’t figure out why.

I don’t have the closure maybe. But I don’t know if I will ever have the closure … how can I have closure when I don’t even know what happened or why?

Help me, Momma. Help me to be the woman that you always wanted me to be. Help me to take the hurt that I have and turn it into something that can be productive. Help me to love you without the anger. Help me to miss you without the anger. Help me to get over this grief.

I love you and I miss you more than I ever thought possible,
Your daughter … who is now a wife, an aunt, and a teacher … all things that you never got to see.

Oh the joys of apartment living

When God made cute little apartments with the stairs on the inside and a wonderful lake with a gazebo to sit at while I let the dogs run and play ... did he mean to place us above habitual party-ers?

When God made decent rent which doesn't include anything but is still relatively cheap for this area ... did he mean to have me live next to people that are still popping fireworks on the 9th of January?

When God made a cute little one bedroom with a study and a pretty large kitchen and bathroom for my husband and I to spend most of our two years of marriage ... did he mean to also place inconsiderate tenants that play their music extremely loud in their vehicles at 10:23 pm?

When God made me, in which he broke the mold, because I am the epitome of perfect in every sense of the word (har har) ... did he mean to make my patience the size of a roll-y poll-y for such miscreants?

When God made my husband, in which he broke the mold, because he is the epitome of perfect in every sense of the word (no, seriously) ... did he mean to make him so easy going that this whole apartment living thing doesn't bother him as much as me?

I asked ... and God told me ...


"Buy a House."

Letters continued ...

Dearest MawMaw,

I know that you are living it up right now with your best friends in Heaven, but we miss you down here. I think out of all of the deaths that I have experienced … yours was the easiest. Only because I know that you were really sick, that you were sick of BEING sick, and that you were ready. PawPaw is doing well, he hunts all the time and fishes any chance that he gets. I know that he really likes to do those things and he is able to now. However, sometimes when I walk past his bedroom he is sitting down on you guy’s bed and he has all of your jewelry spread out so that he can touch your wedding rings. I always go in there and let him tell me all of the stories that come with your jewelry, even if I’ve heard them before … it’s nice to let him talk about how much he loves you.

I love you MawMaw, and I wish that I could tell you this in person. I know that you know … but I struggled for a while with this after your death because I was so so so mad at you when I left a few days before you died. I should have learned my lesson then … to treasure all of the time that you have with your loved ones. But then a few years later it happened again with Mom.

Your death was a struggle with our family. It was one of the first times that I saw my Aunt’s true side. But, we won’t get into that. You saw. Anyway, I love you so much and I can’t wait to see you again. Kiss my mom for me …

Love you,
Your little girl

September 22, 2002

Letters to the ones I've loved and lost

Dearest Ryan,

Hey friend. After your sudden accident … I was strong until we buried you on that cold afternoon. Then I lost it. You were my best friend. I loved our late night conversations when you would sneak into my bedroom all hours of the night. Good times, hm?
I knew the things that you were doing. Who knows, maybe I could have talked you out of it. I don’t know. But, I knew... And I disagreed. But, you were your own person and the more I think about it the more I don’t think that anyone could have stopped your reckless behavior.
I think about you often. In fact, I used to dream about you constantly. Us, sitting on beach chairs (which is weird because we never went to the beach together) and me telling you all about my life while you listened with a smile on your face. And then you weren’t there anymore … right before I got married. Aaron says that it’s because he thinks that you are letting me go so that he can take care of me now. Is that it? If so, thanks for taking care of me for those few years … I appreciate it.
I remember that conversation that we had a long time ago … you know … the one where you said that you just KNEW you were going to die young. How did you know, Ryan? How?
I pray that you didn’t hurt when it happened. I pray that you didn’t know. But, I’ve heard otherwise … and that makes my heart beat fast and my palms get sweaty just thinking about you in that kind of pain. But, I know that you aren’t in pain now, right?
You saved lives, by the way. Your group of friends … on that path of destruction? Not anymore. Some went to college. They are holding down jobs. They are doing really well for themselves. Some even have families. I believe that it was because of you. They realized that their own destructive behavior wasn’t working … that they weren’t really immortal. That they could die too. That they could take too many pills. That they could fall asleep at the wheel. That they could wrap their car around that tree. That they could catch on fire. That they could miss out on living life.
Your family is doing well. I baby sat Sweet sweet Gabby and Cammy a few times after I graduated. Gabby didn’t remember me at first … but once she did, she used to curl up in my lap for us to watch television together. Cammy has your room now … and my heart used to pound each time I would go to lay her down. You know who else is doing well? Daniel. I was extremely worried about him after you left. He started wearing signs on his shirt that said things like “Drugs are Good” and I worried like crazy. “Why would he want to follow in his footsteps?” I would ask Jessica. She couldn’t understand it either. Then all of a sudden, he’s graduating with honors and has a full ride to a college in Dallas. I’m so proud of him … and he looks just like you … it’s scary.
Anyway, I just wanted to let you know how things were going. I wanted to share with you the things that I feel. I want to wish you well. I want to tell you that I love you … with sequins. (I still find random sequins in random places, like in my jeans pockets after a wash … is that you?)

Love Always,
Your Angel


January 22, 2003

--Stay tuned for more letters --

Letter to my 14 year old self

Hello you,

I know that this might be a little awkward to you … what with finding a letter from your significantly fatter, ten year older self … but listen. All of the mistakes that you are going to make within the next few years should not be changed. They will make you into the beautiful woman that you will become. Here is just a few pointers:

You are about to meet an amazing young man that will change your life forever. He is smart, funny, and extremely good looking. He’ll sweep you off your feet and shatter your heart … all in a matter of three months. But he is worth it. Hold on to all of the feelings that he makes you feel, all of the emotions that he causes, and all of the dreams that he helps build. You’ll lose him in a couple of years, no … don’t be afraid, don’t cry, it’s OK. He saves so many other peoples lives that were on the same path as his.

Don’t get all obsessed with who’s friends with who and which friends betray which friends. You are still going to be best friends with the ones that you are best friends with now. We still love each other dearly. The mistakes of high school are silly and irrelevant now.

Ignore your weight issues. You are not fat. Eat healthy. Get out there and exercise. Start making good decisions now … your 24 year old self will appreciate it.

In a few years you are going to get into an argument with your Mawmaw. Please kiss her good bye before you leave. Even if you are mad. Call her the next day. Please. Because that will be the last time that you will see her. It’s going to hurt so much … but maybe if you add that kiss and call it will be a little better.

There is this guy that you are going to date. He might seem great. He might seem wonderful. He is not. But even though he is not great … you are still going to waste over two years with him. Can’t change that. Don’t need to … because the things that he makes you go through, the feelings that you feel when he is drunk and angry are things that help you move on and find the man that you will be married to … so once again, it’s worth it. Without this one … you wouldn’t rush into the loving and amazing arms of the next one …

As for Aaron … dear sweet Aaron … I can’t tell you much that you won‘t figure out quickly. He is so easy to love! Just love him every day more than the last. I’m doing that now and it’s working out just fine.

I know that I mentioned earlier that I didn’t want you to change anything … but I do. Just one thing. Love mom. Call mom. Help mom. She is sick. She is very sick. She needs you to help her and be a constant in her life. This isn’t going to change anything really. You are still going to lose her. But, you will not have taken her for granted. Let me tell you right now that it is SO hard to deal with her death right now. I miss her so very much and I am so afraid that she doesn’t/didn’t know how I felt about her. So please, call her. Don’t be embarrassed of her. Bring Aaron around her … introduce her to his family. You’ll find out … they love everyone, even when they have faults.

This is a lot of information to absorb … I know that. But take it in … you are going to be fine. You are going to cry a lot … but you are going to laugh even more. And let me tell you … life is great. You are going to love it.

I love you,
Your 24 year old self

Emails: Where is the communication?

In a world where everyone is busy and no one has time for phone calls; emails thrive. Emails are sent out to share recipes, to invite people to parties, to tell someone how you feel about them (albeit in an extremely cheesy forwarding kind of way), to plan events, and apparently to even ask someone to be a part of one of the biggest days of your life: Your Wedding.

A friend of mine is getting married in May of this year and we just went through an ordeal of hurt feelings over email communication ... or lack of.

In December, she sent out emails asking people to be in the house party of her wedding. Somehow or another, I did not receive these emails. Another friend of mine did and text to ask me if I had been asked as well (texting is another issue that I have ... for another day). I did not receive the email and knew that I had already mentioned that it would be OK if I wasn't a part of the wedding because I tend to enjoy the weddings that I attend as a guest more than I enjoy weddings that I attend as a stressed out bridesmaid or other member of the wedding party.

Nearly a month later (yesterday), I called my friend to talk about other things unrelated to the wedding ... mainly related to our new years resolutions. It is during this phone call that she asks me if I want to be in the house party. I tell her "no, thanks ... I'd rather enjoy myself as a guest." And she said "OK." I said this because I had known about the aforementioned email that was sent to a friend of mine weeks before that asked her to be in the house party and it sounded to me like I was simply an after thought.

Today, I received an email from my friend. In it, she explains to me that she has hurt feelings and that she doesn't understand why I do not want to be a part of her wedding. I try to call her once before sending an email back (because honestly, this would have been solved much faster in a phone call to begin with) but she had left her phone at her sister's. I went ahead and sent another email explaining my feelings about not receiving an email ... etc. She replies with the email that was sent to all of the people that she had wanted to be in the wedding ... me included.

I have no idea what happened with the email. I searched through all of my mail and none of the searches pulled up that email. My email has never failed me in the past ... but I guess there is a first time for everything.

Anyway. Feelings unhurt ... but I can't help but wonder how much (if not all) of this could have been fixed by an actual phone call or God forbid even face to face communication. Like I mentioned before ... everyone is busy which is why email thrives as much as it does. However, I know that I personally called all of my bridesmaids, house party members, and even my 5 year old ring bearer to ask them to be a member of my wedding. There was no confusion. There was no missing emails. There was no problems.

So ... take heed ... not everything that you say in an email gets sent ... not everything that you say in an email gets taken the correct way ... not everything sent in an email gets resolved. So come on ... call a friend today! It won't kill you ... I bet that you are a great multi-tasker and can handle a phone and whatever else keeps you busy in a day.

Date night gone sour by lack of respect

Aaron and I started the night with a wonderful dinner at good Ol "Texas Road House." We were seriously craving some steak ... and steak fries :)

After dinner we wanted to go and see Marley and Me. Originally, we were going to go to the Lowes theatre which usually means that we are going to get some crappy seats but have the theatre mostly to ourselves. On our way out, Aaron asked if we could go to a better theatre since we were only seeing one movie.

I looked at the times and Marley and Me was going to be playing at the Tinseltown in front of the mall at 8:45. The Market Street theatre was only playing movies that were being mentioned for awards, so Marley and Me wasn't an option.

Well, we ended up getting finished with dinner at 6:45 so we ended up going to Lowes after all. The theatre was mostly empty. We had to move over a seat because mine was literally half a seat but it wasn't that big of a deal.

Right before the movie began, a group of teenagers came in and sat RIGHT in front of us. To which I said: "Wow, really? Out of the entire theatre ... you guys chose to sit DIRECTLY in front of us?" So ... they kind of moved down just a bit :) And they were mostly quiet ... so it was OK.

But about 15 minutes before the end of the movie, a group of teens came in from another movie and proceeded to talk the entire time! I was disgusted!! I wanted so bad to just throw my liter water bottle at them.

And it made me start thinking ... I was quiet when I was a movie goer as a teen. I said "please" and "thank you" when I was younger (and now) and I always made sure to open doors for people. It just seems that people do not do that these days. Does that mean that the parents aren't teaching their kids manners anymore?

Aaron says that it is because teenagers are just selfish and they do not think of other people. But I don't think it's a selfish thing ... I think it's the way that they are brought up ... and it's sad.