Monday, November 5, 2007

Married and living apart ...

Because I have a really long drive to school and back, I am basically in L<3ve with 104.1 KRBE. Every morning that have some kind of interesting topic that always keeps me amused. This morning, unfortunately when the radio started going out, they began talking about people that are married and yet live in separate houses.

According to the 2006 United States Census, 3.2 MILLION people are married and yet live in separate houses. That is a LOT of people! So, Ryan ... who seems to have the same views as I do about a lot of things, started saying how he just couldn't imagine not living in the same house with his wife and his daughter. That the though of something like that makes it hard for him to breathe. While Roula and Producer Eric were more interested in Why this was going on as opposed to "Why would you NOT live together."

They had a few people call in, but I was only able to listen to three of them.

Caller 1: Lives in Houston with her children, while her husband lives in San Antonio. They originally lived in Dallas when they first got married (and they've been married for only three years), but when he got his new job, she didn't want to move to San Antonio with him ... she wanted to move back home to Houston. He comes home maybe every other weekend ... and she says that he when he does come home it's usually pretty nice. She says that it keeps the spark in their marriage. Ryan immediately jumps all over it asking why she didn't want to move with him or why didn't they talk about it more and have him not take that job. She was like "Well, who am I to say what job he can take or not ... or who is he to tell me where I should move." Ryan mentioned the fact that "they are in a marriage and that involves compromise, that's 'who you are, his wife'."

He then took off the stipulations of not being able to live together for a job.Like if he had to provide for his family and he HAD to move all over the place and he wanted his family to continue to have a steady home life and not have his kids move around a lot then he would do the same. However, I personally think that those people were just being selfish. He was right in the first place ... a marriage is a compromise. If Aaron were to get a job somewhere else ... even if I had a job here ... I would move with him and I know that he would do the same for me. I couldn't live with out having him come home to me every night. Even if I did get to see him every other weekend. We mine as well just be dating!

Caller 2: She lives in the Woodlands and her husband lives in Washington D.C. He IS in the military and that is why he is over there ... how ever she does not want to move out there. I didn't catch how long they had been married but I don't think that it was very long. He comes home when he can ... and he will definitely be home for Thanksgiving and Christmas. She also said that this was really good for their relationship, and that it keeps the spark in their marriage. However, why get married to the guy if you don't want to move up there and be with him. I mean ... if I were marrying someone in the military I would want to be with them as much as possible, especially if there was a possibility that he were to be going off to war. I guess that maybe she is trying to distance herself from him in case something like that happens ... but once again ... this just does not feel like a marriage!

Ryan again decided that he "supposed" people that were in military relationships didn't have to live with each other either ... but he still couldn't understand the novelty of being married and not living with each other.

Caller 3: A girl called in whose mother and step father live in separate houses, but in the same sub-division! When asked why they did that ... she said that they just fought all of the time and that they couldn't stand being together. But now, they have little dinner dates on the weekend and it just seems to be so much better for their relationship. Meanwhile, the wife is cleaning two houses, paying all of the bills, washing all of the clothes, etc. So it seems to ME that the guy has a cleaning lady that he gets to bang on the weekends whenever he wants too. THIS IS NOT A MARRIAGE! The woman has already been divorced once ... I wonder what her reasons were for not doing it again? I wonder why she got divorced with her first husband ... and what makes this guy that much better that they'll pay two mortgages??

So, what are your views on the issue? Would you ever live in separate houses from your husband? Do you even consider this a marriage? Do you think that this is possibly the cure for the rising divorce rate??

11 comments:

Amanda Leigh said...

Caller #1 must not know what a marriage is. She didn't move b/c didn't want to?! I don't understand that. Marriage is about compromise and togetherness. I'd move for my husband b/c that's what you do in a marriage.

Caller #2 is dumb too. She married a man in the military, that means moving around. If she wasn't prepared to do that, she shouldn't have married him.

Caller #3 is a little more understandable b/c they seem to really be trying to make their marriage work. She's crazy for paying for everything though. I just don't get that.

I don't understand this separate togetherness. I wouldn't live apart from my husband. Don't people get married b/c they can't live w/out each other? So once you're married, why would you?

Christy Jo said...

Hm. This is hard to judge because everyone has their own unique circumstances. I want to have a conservative, traditional marriage, but that's not what everyone wants I guess. Or. That's not how circumstances work out for some people, I suppose. I say power to the people to do whatever makes them happiest!

Mrs. Amanda Doiron said...

I would first like to know … out of the 3.2 million people who are married but don’t live together, how many of those people are actually married and want to be? Does this include the married yet separated people who are going to be getting a divorce? Because I bet those people make up a large percentage of that number.

Anyways … people are retarded … that’s what I have to say about this …

There ARE some cases I can see living apart; too bad these people didn’t have any good reasons.

When I was in elementary school, my dad got a new job with TDCJ (the prisons) and he had to move to Beeville (near Brownsville – about 7 hours away) for 6 months to do training. My parents decided that there was NO reason to uproot my sister and me from school and for my mom to have to get a new job if we were just going to be coming back in 6 months anyway. It was VERY hard on me, Melissa, and my mom, but logically, it was the smartest thing to do. My dad went out there, got a 6 month apartment (he came in once to visit for my birthday) and then came home when the training was over.

Something like that is understandable.

Caller #1 –
She just “didn’t want to move to San Antonio with him” … hello … did she forget she got married … life isn’t always about what you want. You got married, and you have kids, but because you're selfish, you kids don’t get to live with their dad!
As far as him coming in every other weekend and that keeping the spark in their marriage … hello … you’ve been married what? Maybe 3 years?!?!?! If you need help keeping the spark in your marriage after only 3 years, you’ve got some major problems.
Then with her saying “well who am I to tell him if he can take a job and who is he to tell me where to live” ???????????? Apparently someone didn’t explain what a marriage was to her well enough before she said “till death do us part”. A marriage is the combining of two lives to make one … a marriage is about compromise … a marriage is knowing you’ll never have to be alone again …
It’s my opinion this lady is too selfish to be married …

Caller #2 –
I think you're right … if my husband was in the military, I would want to spend every second with him while he was here. It’s awful, but with that profession, you never know when the last time you’ll have to spend with them is …
You're already apart SO much, why would you want to add time to the time you don’t spend together …
I also don’t get why these people need to not live together in order to keep a spark in their marriages …
It’s my opinion this lady is too stupid to deserve to be married …

Caller #3 –
This is just outright dumb … these people aren’t married, they're dating! … I don’t know why people would do this … it’s silly … and nothing but a waste of money.
You're right, the guy is getting all the benefits of dating someone as well as being married … too bad the lady is just so dumb she has to play both roles …
It’s my opinion this lady just has so much money she doesn't know what to do with it (why else would she spend it so foolishly – by having double of the same bills so they can live no more than 5 minutes away from each other)

I’m with Lolo … you shouldn’t get married unless the reason for it is because you just cant live without each other … you love that person SO much you want to spend every minute of the rest of your life with them …

I would go with Joey anywhere. If it was somewhere I didn’t want to go, I would hope we could sit down, talk about it, and then come to a rational decision on whether it was best for us to either go or stay, but in the end, he’s my husband. Wherever he goes, I will go and wherever he stays, I’ll stay.

People are dumb.

Dani Nicole said...

first off thats a lot of people that are married and living in seperate places. im not married to give a holehearted answer to this. but like both amandas said if ur married to someone your committed to them. your suppose to sit down and discuss the situation and make the best decision. if i was married i wouldnt want to NOT see my husband either. hes your partner. the one that when your having a bad day hugs you and tells you that its going to be alright. to not have that in your life then that sucks. as for the military situation....i could see if they were in training living in two different places but not if he was stationed some where and you just didnt want to go. because what if he went to war and something bad happened and you were not there to know off the bat. your left wondering and wondering. so i cant understand why married people would want to live seperate lives then their spouse.

Julia said...

What those callers have isn't a marriage. What they have is called "courting" or "dating" - you're not obligated to move to where someone is, or move in with someone. You spend time together when you can and spend lots of time apart in normal circumstances. That's not a marriage. I've been reading about the same concept more and more lately - couples who live apart in marriage or just in dating... "serious" couples. I understand the whole "absence makes the heart grow fonder" thing, but in that case, send your guy out to spend time with his friends, or go out yourself and spend some time with your friends. A solid day of that will probably make you excited to come home at night and sleep next to each other and do who knows what else! "absence" in a serious relationship (this includes marriage) only needs to involve a few hours at a time. If you're committed to someone, you're saying that you want to spend the rest of your life WITH them, not just every weekend.

Yoshi said...

The question that must be asked here is:

What defines the word "marriage"?

Because of this interpretation of "marriage", many of them believe you can become married and yet still retain their individuality and freedoms by keeping the two wills separate; instead of joining them.

One must have to assert that these type of people cannot truly become one and still retain the self. Thus leading to the beginning question with one expansion:

Who truly defines marriage, and why should their rules of what marriage is dictate to my happiness?

As a free society, we can choose to do so, but ultimately this type of arrangment may lead others to question the end results of it.

In the end, 3 million people living in separate households while married do not constitute the bulk of Americans who believe in traditional values.

So do not fear, my friend. ^.^

Yoshi said...

By the way, Yoshi is me, Raphael the great!!! XD

www.myspace.com/mitoxenogenesis

Té la mà Maria - Reus said...

very good blog congratulations
regard from Catalonia Spain
thank you

Amanda Leigh said...

i have the site favorited and check it everyday.. here's the link -- http://www.explosm.net/comics/1074/

Aggie said...

People are simply not prepared to compromise in the old order of what used to be considered marriage. It is probably a very loose definition of a whole lot of different living arrangements that folk have today ... for whatever reason. I wouldn't call it marriage myself, but maybe they call it that through lack of any other definition??

Anonymous said...

My husband is depressed and very irritable. I do not want a divorce, but I am not sure that I can continue to live with him. We have two children ages 13 and 8. They love their father. I am considering us having separate houses in the same town, but continuing to be married. He is on antidepressants, but they don't always help.