I carry your heart with me

Okay, for those of you that have seen "In Her Shoes" then you know what this poem is ... luckily Aaron has NOT seen "In Her Shoes" and therefore ... this poem will be totally new to him and he will hopefully thoroughly enjoy it when I read it during the rehearsal dinner.

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart) i am never without it (anywhere
i go you go, my dear, and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)
i fear
no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

-- e. e. cummings

I can barely get through it without crying ... and I know that when I'm actually looking at Aaron's face I'm REALLY going to cry ... but I think that it's going to be fantastic!

Thoughts anyone?

Reality Bytes

Here's a little confession for you ... I L.O.V.E. reality shows. I like shows like So You Think You Can Dance and American Idol ... but I REALLY enjoy watching all those horrible shows that have a bunch of people in the house and Drama after Drama after Drama. ESPECIALLY with dating shows.

Well, I mean, I haven't really gotten into the bachelor or anything like that but, I just can't stop watching Rock of Love. That show CRACKS me up! Those girls are so catty ... it's like watching a train wreck. I sit there in front of the TV with my mouth open just watching how horrible these girls are to each other. Sometimes ... I want to find out where these girls live and go and kill them because I think that they are so freaking stupid! But I keep watching!

I also love watching Bridezilla. I could sit around and laugh at that show for hours ... those girls get so worked up over NOTHING! They are so crazy for no reason what so ever! And honestly, I doubt that their marriages last very long because even their husband says horrible things about them! This one that I was watching last night ... the guy was helping set up stuff and was like "This is (name)'s face right here" as he was hammering something into the ground. There needs to be some serious re-evaluation in that relationship.

Oh! And My Super Sweet 16. I wish that I could find those kids years later when everything isn't always given to them on a silver platter and see how bad their life sucks. Those kids are so absolutely selfish and can only think about themselves ... and it's all the parents fault! I refuse to raise my children like that!! Apparently, there is a movie out now on DvD about Super Sweet 16 ... but in the commercial the girls are like "Oh, and we'll have everyone bring toys so that we can donate them to other children ... because THAT is what having a party is all about." Except that is NOT what the actual kids that are throwing these parties are thinking. All the do is cry because they don't get a Bentley, or their parents say "no" to their idea about going overseas for a year of HIGH SCHOOl. It always works out in the end to their advantage though ... which just makes it worse, because they think that forever will they be able to cry about something and get their way. Stupid Stupid Stupid kids.

But yeah, I can't stop watching them! It's just great entertainment ... maybe it's because I'm nosy and I like to know what's going on in other people's worlds ... I don't really know. But whatever it is ... Reality TV is the best thing to happen to my nightly shows!!

"I show not your face, but your heart's desire"

The mirror of Erised. For those of you that have never read or seen the Harry Potter books/movies, the mirror does not show your face like a normal mirror does, instead ... it shows your deepest desire.

For Harry, it was his parents ... for Ron, he was head boy and was holding the Quidditch cup in his hands ... for Dumbledore ... well, it wasn't a nice new pair of socks as he claimed in Book 1.

But what about you guys? If you were to take a glance in the mirror of Erised right now ... what would you see? What do you think is truly your heart's desire? Do you have to think about it a little bit? Is it something obtainable? Or is it actually something that you will never be able to achieve?

For me ... I think that I would see my mother. Just once ... one more time. I'd see her giving me a big huge hug. Over and over and over again ... just one of those hugs that wraps you up and keeps you safe. There are a lot of things in life that I want, things that I want to own, to accomplish, things that I want to do before I die ... but my deepest ... darkest ... main desire ... is to see my mother again. Isn't it interesting ... that I couldn't stand to go over to her house while she was alive and now this is the deepest thing that I want now?

The world is full of Irony.

Rain Rain Go AWAY.

Okay, so for those of you in Texas ... I think I speak for everyone when I say ... EFFING STOP RAINING. JEEZ.

It rains EVERY SINGLE DAY ... seriously. And tonight, I had to drive back home in it ... and that makes me angry. But you know what makes me even MORE angry ... People like that fucker over there in the Hummer splashing water all over the place. Yeah, that one.

Aaron and I have already came to the conclusion that people that drive Trucks & HUGE sports utilities like a hummer are assholes. I know this. Aaron knows this. But it's not like I can pick who I ride next to when I'm driving to save my life at 10pm on a Friday night on a busy highway with water on the road.

My little bitty Honda can only take so much people! Not only did some asshole drive past going 40 (instead of the 25 that everyone else was politely going as the rain torrentially beat down on us) but they also splashed all kinds of water all over my car and I couldn't see a THING!

Then, I ended up (somehow ...) between an 18 wheeler (which after my accident back in February I'm deathly afraid of) and another asshole in some kind of large vehicle that I couldn't tell you about now since all *I* could see was the water that both of them were splashing all over my car. And I know ... some of that wasn't their fault ... but pulling up where they are RIGHT in front of me and then staying there .... yeah, that IS their fault.

Thankfully, I made it home safely ... and it was even only drizzling a bit when I got home so that I didn't have to walk in the horrible rains and all that stuff.

Anyway ... in Wedding news (with nearly 14 more days until THE day) I got some shoes for my rehearsal dinner dress, the makeup (eyeshadow and mascara) for wedding makeup, AND a Harry Potter coloring book. That wasn't for the wedding ... but it made me VERY cheerful!

A New Way of Getting to Sleep

God. Doesn't she look peaceful?

I seriously don't know what's wrong with me. I could sleep ALL day long. Or ... actually ... I could sleep for as long as it's "daylight" outside. But once it turns night ... I'm screwed.

Infact, tonight ... I really thought that I was going to be alright and be able to go to sleep when I wanted too ... but as soon as I got in bed it wasn't working out. I tossed and turned for a good 45 minutes before I finally decided to just get up.

I'm hoping that it's just because I'm getting excited about the wedding ... and once all of it is over with I won't have lists to go over in my head and start remembering things that I forgot that I needed to do or something like that.

The programs are finished ... now let's just pray that the guy that is doing them is going to get them done in time. I am also getting my rehearsal dinner dress fixed tomorrow, the halter top thing needs to be taken up, and Aaron's mom is going to fix it. Now, it's just music ... and that's what runs through my head over and over and over again when I want to go to sleep. AHHH! I can't wait until this is all over with ...

Oh yeah. Another bridesmaid isn't going to the bachelorette party. Fucking awesome. Seriously.

An update on the Real

I know I know, I said that I was only going to post interesting, fun, creative things on this blog ... I remember what I said. But, I just wanted to give a small update on "Wedding News!"

I'm SUPER excited ... why? Because we are almost finished with EVERYTHING that we need to get ready for the wedding! We got our Limo booked today ... because Aaron took so long getting that stuff taken care of, we are going to have to go with a SUV limo. So, I guess we are going to be "rolling out" in style! I'm still crazy excited about it though ... because I've never ridden in a limo before and I have been saving myself for when I got married!!!

Also, we are about 90% finished with the program. I just need to read it off to the priest and make sure that everything sounds okay ... and then email it to Jessica so that she can bring it to Drago's and they can get it all going. It's going to be worth getting it done professionally, because I don't want to have to deal with binding and staples and stuff like that. Plus, it's going to be a little bit longer than normal because we are going to have notes to each of the bridesmaids, groomsmen, Parents & Siblings. I totally stole that from Amanda ... but I don't care. It's going to be awesome!

All that is left after that is the DJ list. I have filled it out and emailed it to him, but now Aaron and I need to have a list for the "open dancing" stuff. So, if anyone has any fun ideas ... I want our reception to be great fun!!!

That's it! We have everything ready for the cruise ... we don't have passports but we have birth certificates which they say are enough ... we have our matted Frame for everyone to sign, all of our pictures are finished and in, we have the marriage license ready to go, toasting glasses, dresses & tuxes ... and with 16 days left!

I think this is why I havn't had a crazy nightmare in the past couple of weeks ... let's hope it continues!!!

I swear ... I'll post a good update tomorrow!

Here's looking at you

Here's a question for all you guys out there. Why ... do you think that it's okay to stare, wave, cat call, or make comments towards girls that make them feel slimy all over?

It seems like when a guy looks at a girl with "that look" he's thinking to himself, "Oh yeah ... saving that for the spank bank tonight." Which makes me want to cringe all over again just thinking about earlier today.

I was minding my own business making my way into Half Priced Books, Aaron went off to the comic book store next door, and as I was walking into the store a man and his children were walking out. He held open the door for me, gave me "that look" and then said "Oh yeah, I'm liking THAT!" I didn't turn around and smack the shit out of him which is what I should have done, because I didn't think that his children ought to see their father get beat up by a girl.

Then, once we got into the car, we were next to a van with a whole bunch of guys in it and the guy in the passenger seat blatantly waved and smiled at me with "that look!" This time Aaron was IN the car with me and they still did it. I just don't get it.

Poor Aaron was like, "Man, I hate that I can't do anything about it ... and it pisses me off because I think that some of these guys do it in front of me because they KNOW that I can't do anything about it." Aaron's a lover ... not a fighter, you see.

I just don't understand. Oh, and it's never "good looking" guys .. it's always the creepy, middle-to-old-aged, fat guys ... you know the kind ... the ones that make you want to gouge out your eyeballs just looking at them. Yeah, those. They are usually decently scraggly, with probably a bit of their lunch still on their shirt, and sweat marks of some kind on their attire.

Maybe they have just given up! They figure, "If I do this long enough ... maybe someone will actually turn around and be like ... Oh yeah? Really ... awesome ... let's get it on." And if that's the case ... more power to you creepy weird guy ... but leave me OUT of it!