Showing posts with label Very Funny Friday. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Very Funny Friday. Show all posts

Friday, February 6, 2009

It Takes All Kinds

My new year's resolution was to get fit this year. For real this time. Seriously.

Aaron gets a free membership to 24 hour fitness with his work. My membership is only 20 dollars a month. So ... we've been going nearly every day since December 27th.

I've encountered a lot of people. There are all kinds there. Really.

So, here's my list of people that you will probably find at a public gym:

1. The serious workers: These are the people that I aspire to be one day. They are slim. They are fit. And they work hard at both. You'll find these people doing what they are supposed to do. They work out cardio and move on to some weights. Their muscles are a normal size and are tone. They keep to themselves and usually listen to music on their Ipod.

2. The Muscles: These are the kind of people (usually men) that I can hardly stand. They are usually huge in the arms and shoulders with a pot belly and chicken legs. These people are always looking to show off. For instance, not only will they put the highest weight possible on the machine ... they'll add some to the machine even though they aren't supposed to. These people always look around to check and see if anyone is watching before they start lifting their heavy load. They always want an audience.

3. The Desperate Housewife: We get a lot of these in this area, mainly because it's a rich area with a lot of women that are stay at home-ers with nothing else to do but "get fit." These women usually have had lipo-suction done, bo-tox, and plastic surgery boobs, and still pay hundreds of dollars for a personal trainer. An actual trainer has said "They all have lipo and fake boobs so I really don't have to do much of anything." They like to head to the gym in full make up with their hair fixed. They prance around in short shorts and bra tops showing their not worked for bodies. Lovely.

4. The Slutty McSlutterstein's: These are the girls that wear bikini's while in the pool, spa, or saunas. Their boobs (fake or not) are constantly on show and they know it. These women usually get a lot of male attention which they seem to enjoy greatly. I never see them working out in the gym area. They stay in the "wet area" to make sure that those around them can view their goodies. -Rolls eyes-

5. The under-agers: Once again, I'm not sure if this is because we live in the area that we live in and every parent gives their kid a gym membership or what ... but it's very prevalent in our gym. These are also usually female. I say female because the male under-agers usually are working out. In fact, there are some under-agers that actually work out ... but there are a few (the ones that I'm talking about) that are only there for "the boys." These under-agers sit in the sauna with a lot of clothes on so that they draw attention to themselves. Then they begin conversations with their accomplice under-ager about how they should just "not eat ... or throw up." Something that will draw the attention to them. Then they talk about their parent's owning liquer stores. I've yet to see these under-agers leave the sauna area to actually work out. But they are there nearly every day ... talking to a new boy every time.

6. The clueless: These are the people that are the gym and have NO idea what they are doing there. They need help figuring out how to work the elliptical machine and usually pay for a personal trainer to get help. They walk around aimlessly trying to figure out how to do different things and once they figure it out ... they are still slow working it.

And then there is me. I get on the Elliptical for 30 minutes and rock out on my ipod. I lift weights for about 20 minutes afterwards and then I spend about 10 minutes in the steam room or sauna. Where does this place me? ... In "The Awesome" crowd :)

Because that's me ... I'm awesome.

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Friday, January 23, 2009

Very Funny Friday

Alright, so this is my first time to do one of these things that they call a ... Carnival? I guess that makes me a Carnie. Nice ... something that I've always aspired to ...

Anyway ... it's crazy early in the morning. I'm sitting here in jeans and the tank top that I went to bed in. My hair wasn't blow dried last night which makes it all over my freaking head so I'm waiting for the straightener to load up.

I have clothes on the floor ... my teeth aren't brushed yet ... (WHAT?! I just finished eating some cereal!) ... and I really need to get my butt in gear if I'm going to leave my house at a reasonable time. (6:30)

And yet ... I love my blog SO MUCH ... that I'm going to try this whole thing and see if I can get some readers to love it too!

Unfortunately ... as it's so early in the morning ... I don't have anything "very funny" to post. That's new ...

So, I'm going to post my favorite post that I've ever had ... I'm sure that you haven't read it yet ... so you should enjoy it.

This was written back in 2005 ...

Friday, April 08, 2005

Are you a cheater?

Fess up now. RIGHT NOW! Have you ever cheated?

Don't start giving me...well I was drunk....and...stuff...just...

No I mean have you ever cheated in school!?

A thought occurred to me as I was walking to a class all alone yesterday (I have to occasionally talk to myself just so I'm not lonely :) ) I've been in College for two years now and I have never ONCE cheated. Not once. Not even on homework (which could probably be because I don't know anyone in my classes well enough to be like.."You...right there...smart one...give up the homework!")

Have any of YOU cheated in college?

Lemme just tell you that I was an AVID cheater in Highschool...dude I cheated on EVERYTHING! Especially after my freshman year when a friend of mine and I were falsely accused of cheating on some homework. So I figure...eff it....if I'm gonna get blamed for it I mine as well start doing it yah think?

I had the cheating DOWN!

Ways to Cheat 101:

1) Have someone in the class ahead of you write down the answers to the scantron on a small slip of paper and slip it to you between classes.

2) Roll up a sheet of paper with the answers on it and stick it inside your pen. Then sit in the back of the room and undo your pen after the "cheater check" was complete.

3) Wear long sleeves and write the answers on your arms and your palm and then sit in the back of the class and enjoy making an A.

4) **Added by This beautiful lady** Make a bracelet with the answers on it and during the "Cheater Check" just turn the bracelet inside out! (BRILLIANCE I tell you)

5) And my personal favorite..(which I shall demonstrate..)

SUPPLIES NEEDED:


One skirt (Make sure it's regulation length because if you get busted by the dress code police, it is NOT my fault dude.)


One clean thigh (Must be clean btw) Hm Depending on how big the test is you might need TWO thighs.


One felt tip marker. Don't get one that's gonna smear or smudge. Because if your gonna go through with this there might be alittle sweating/glistening/glittering/perspiring (whatever it is you wanna call it) involved.

Now, if you havn't already guessed what your going to do lemme break it down for you. You make yourself alittle cheat sheet on your thigh(s) and then wear a skirt to school that day. The desk totally covers your legs right...so You can just lift up your skirt and get the answers that you don't already have memorized!

BTW: It is NOT my fault if you get busted doing this...obviously your just not slick enough and will have to continue practicing young grasshopper!

BOYS/GUYS/MEN: Unfortunantly I don't think this form of cheating will work with you but I did give you three other options to try out!

So for those of you in Highschool...there yah go.

And for those of you in College or out of College .... Did you cheat in college?

PSH Because *I* damn sure won't! To afraid something horrible will happen!!

Don't "Cheat" yourself out of a great FRIDAY!!

Have fun this weekend!! <3<3<3


See ... wasn't that hilarious? I think so. Especially since I'm an English Teacher now ... giving instructions (with pictures) on how to cheat in my classroom. Nice.


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